Level eight is traditionally when people take a half day off of work. Level seven sufferers spend the day breathing through their mouth and experiencing mild to severe acid reflux. You will wear your sunglasses at brunch and you will undoubtedly bitch about the service/other customers. On a weekend, you will need at least one cocktail before you can eat. You will not eat until lunch, which will be McDonald's. Your headache is everywhere, teeth included.
If you're working, you will be a little late and you will stare at the wall for at least one hour. You will need to sit down in the shower, and puking will seem like a serious possibility at first. Sunlight is initially unbearable, as is the thought of leaving bed. You will probably drink in the shower.Īgain, tough guys will gut out the seven, but most of us will require bed service for the first cocktail. Bacon and nachos are the only edible foods. You cannot drink beer or mimosas, but bloody marys are still palatable, and you can get up to drink one.
You no longer "want" food, although you sense you might "need" it. Headache migration! Although the pain at the base of the skull persists, it is joined by the little man who jabs a pitchfork into the back of your eyeballs. Can you see sunlight without weeping? Five. Here are some reliable indicators: does food still sound good? Five. Subjectivity takes over in the middle of the scale: tough guys call a seven a five, wussies call a five a seven. If work is in the cards, proceed to the nearest sausage biscuit beforehand. Level fluctiation is common at this point, and depends largely upon your general professionalism. From five to seven, your destiny is largely in your own hands. Also, the four introduces general nausea. The four is still responsive to shower/mobilization therapy, but headache and terrible taste in mouth will persist for at least two hours or until the first cocktail. Traditionally, the four is the first level at which the sufferer begins to make comments like, "I have a hangover," or the more dramatic, "Dude, I am totally hung over." This is now acceptable. Generally dissipates within the hour, or after one cocktail. Desire for eggs and bloody mary is clear immediately upon regaining consciousness. Terrible taste in mouth begins here and headache is more noticeable. Level three usually appears more serious at first simply getting out of bed and into the shower makes the level three more manageable. unless you drank like a sailor, and now you're bragging about how little your hangover is. Basically, only wussy girls would even mention a level two. Your stomach is a little queasy and there is a nagging pressure at the base of your skull. You consumed at least two mixed drinks last night, but you were in bed fairly early and you drank plenty of fluids. Even mentioning a hangover right now makes you a sixteen year-old girl. While you would prefer to avoid, say, bright sunlight and loud construction sites, you're really just one slice of toast and a glass of ginger ale away from feeling 100%. You were drinking last night (probably just a few beers) and this morning you are thirsty and a little groggy. with a minimum of loud and energy-depleting talk. This handy ten-point hangover scale makes it that much easier to ask for the help you require. These various loved ones and caretakers must be able to determine the amount of coddling/admonishment/alcohol to provide you with in order to make you whole (or, at least, semi-functional) once again. Specifically, your brunch counterparts, your parents (who inevitably choose late Sunday morning to call you), and your bartender/waitress/emergency-room nurse. It is also important that you be able to communicate your fragile condition to those closest to you. Will I make it to brunch? Do I have enough energy to make it to the bathroom? Will chicken wings cure me? How many bloody marys/mimosas/beers will I require in order to feel human once again? No Sunday morning is complete without a 1:30 p.m.